Weekday Review: White House Down

John McClane and President Barack Obama
in: Die Hard 4.

Hey, did you know that there was a new Die Hard movie?  It's pretty good. It's definitely a throwback to the original in a lot of ways; there's a single location that gets explored throughout the movie to give it a real sense of place, there's a lone badass-but-not-superhuman action hero dealing with a broken marriage and a strained relationship with his kid, and a crew of highly specialized bad guys (and a bunch of grunts) whose actual goal is slowly revealed throughout the movie. There aren't any cars being launched into helicopters, no one ever cruises through a city while hanging onto the wing of an F-16, and the action--while fun and exciting--never really strays all that far from reality (save for our hero's remarkable Constitution score).

I mean, it's not officially a Die Hard movie, but it's the closest we're going to get to a sequel. I mean, it's not like they're still making those.  I wouldn't complain if they did, of course, but they'd probably just turn them into stupid, mindless action flicks with none of the charm or uniqueness that made the original such a classic, and that would be terrible.

No, the movie's actually called White House Down. It stars Channing Tatum as John McClane. Er, John Cale. John's recently returned from Afghanistan after enlisting to flee his failing marriage, and is working as a bodyguard for the Speaker of the House in Washington, D.C. He wants to join the actual Secret Service, mainly because he thinks it might score points with his 11-year-old daughter and future PoliSci major, Emily, who has a few issues with her dad thanks to him running off to the other side of the world for eight years. The two of them are touring the White House when a team of Totally Not Blackwater mercenaries, white supremacist sociopaths, and treacherous, Arab-hating Secret Service agents launch a coup against President Barack Notobama, played by Jaime Foxx.

Yup, it's a Die Hard movie.

The rest of the film is, as I've alluded, Die Hard. John Cale creeps around the White House, up and down elevator shafts and through every window the place has, taking out the bad guys one or two at a time and slowly building up a respectable arsenal. There's a hacker set up in the heart of the complex, with a big ol' timer counting down to the completion of some objective.  The leader of the coup exchanges threats and demands with John's helpful friend on the outside who is constantly shackled by imposing authority figures (Maggie Gyllenhaal). One of the hostages with a personal connection to him (Emily, played by Joey King) eventually has that connection exposed by incautious reporters, and she's used as bait to draw him out. Eventually, our bloody and battered hero manages to whittle down the bad guys' ranks, he takes out the Big Bad in some suitably hilarious and awesome way, and then he's reunited with his family after finally earning their love and respect.

There's copying Die Hard's template, and then there's copying Die Hard. I'm not sure where the line is, but this movie is hovering right over it.

There are differences, of course, mainly in the addition of a secondary heroic lead in the form of Django himself, Jaime Foxx. His character--President Sawyer--is probably the main reason you might have heard of this film.  He is, with absolutely zero subtlety or attempt at concealment, President Barack Obama. Literally casting the President--any President, really, save perhaps for Teddy Roosevelt--as the hero of an action flick is undoubtedly going to draw controversy, but when it's this already extremely controversial President, well, there's a bit of discomfort.

I'm going to need to talk politics just for a bit, in the interest of full disclosure. I've voted for President Obama twice, and I have never regretted it. I do not agree with him on every issue, nor do I think he hasn't made any serious missteps. However, I think many of his detractors severely underestimate the scope of the challenges and opposition he has faced every moment since coming to office--hell, since winning the election. I also think he's a good person; a politician, to be sure, guided by pragmatism and political reality before all else, but a basically decent human being. So, yes, the high concept of "President Obama with a rocket launcher takes on Blackwater, the KKK, and Dick Cheney" is pretty much all I needed to hear to be sold on this movie.

Pictured: the movie this should have been.

That said, President Sawyer's role isn't actually as superheroic as one might have been lead to expect. He's not a fighter; the two scenes of him doing action-y stuff in the trailer are pretty much it. That isn't to say that he's weak or useless; he's smart, reasonably athletic, and keeps a cool head in a crisis. Mostly, he's John Cale's sidekick, but he still has plenty of chances to show his own, quieter brand of courage.

It's also worth noting that one of the Bad Guys is an ex-NSA hacker turned anti-authoritarian anarchist. Given one of the big stories in the news the last few weeks, this is honestly kinda spooky. They even look alike. I don't know if discussing the similarities to Edward Snowden are a very good idea, especially considering that my own views are apparently deeply unpopular, though, so perhaps I should just let this paragraph end.

And, well, that's really all I've got to say. I enjoyed the film quite a bit, even if it wasn't quite the President Django vs. the World movie I was hoping for, and even if it was extremely derivative of Die Hard. I mean, there are far worse films to rip off, and I'm glad to see that someone's trying to bring the series back to life.

God, just imagine if they tried to keep making new ones with Bruce Willis. They'd probably give all the movies really stupid pun titles, too. Thank goodness Hollywood just let that dead horse lie.

Weekend Review: Equestria Girls

"Our movie didn't suck!"

That... was actually kind of good.

I just got back from seeing Equestria Girls--literally, I just walked in and sat down, and am trying to tank some cat aggro while I type. Only one theater here in town was playing it, and with only two showings. It's kind of odd how small of a deal it actually was, theatrically-speaking, considering it's been such a constant source of arguments and discussions among the brony fanbase. The rest of the world was lining up for Monster University or World War Z, while I was packed into a theater with a hundred or so enthusiastic (and somewhat obnoxious) male fans of the show and a small handful of children.

And I've got to tell you, I didn't want to go. I woke up this morning and gave very serious consideration to just turning off my alarm and going back to sleep. I was worried that when I got there, I'd find myself surrounded by bronies who hadn't gotten the memo on that whole "ambassador for the fandom" thing, wearing costumes and having long-winded, high-pitched conversations about some weird aspect of the show's mythology that would leave everyone around them with the impression they were either insane or seriously autistic.

There were those guys--I sat directly in front of them, to my dismay--but for the most part, people seemed sane and rational aside from their willingness to plunk down five bucks to see an animated film about cartoon ponies.

But, you ask, what about the actual movie?

Weekday Review: Man of Steel

The Grand General of Meh.

There's a character in Koei's Dynasty Warriors series called Lu Meng.  His most interesting attribute is always how completely and utterly average he is.  He's a decent fighter; he does decent damage, has decent defenses, and a decent moveset.  His appearance is always aesthetically pleasing, if unremarkable, and his voice acting and writing is always serviceable without being particularly noteworthy.  He is, essentially, the embodiment of "eh, not bad."

(As a note, the actual Lu Meng--the historical, or rather, "historical" version--is actually one of the more interesting and admirable characters in the Three Kingdoms saga.  It's just his video game incarnation that's decidedly slightly-above-average.)

My unofficial brother and I have long used "Lu Meng" as an adjective to describe things that weren't particularly good, but weren't really bad, either.  I've seen a few other attempts to describe that particular brand of mediocrity elsewhere; Young Justice coined the term "whelmed," and there's always the old standby of "well, you know, it was okay, I guess."

Man of Steel was, for me, decidedly Lu Meng.

That isn't to say that it was bad, not by any means.  There's a lot to like here, and some of the complaints about the movie being too grim or too "Nolan-y" are unfounded.  The movie certainly has a serious tone, and there isn't a lot of humor to be found, but it never seemed like a depressing slog of tragedy and violence.  Superman may not crack jokes, but he does act like Superman: he isn't resentful, he doesn't bear those less powerful than him any real ill will, and he goes out of his way to save the lives of those around him... even when they were just shooting at him.

Perhaps the movie's greatest strength is Henry Cavill, who plays the eponymous Man of Steel.  Cavill really has nailed the inherent goodness and nobility that make up Superman's core, the things that make him the moral center of superheroism.  He gets to show a decent range of emotions, all while maintaining an air of calm, confident resolve that what he's doing is the right thing.

The film also has some amazing action scenes.  Just having action scenes in a Superman movie is amazing enough--looking at you, Superman Returns--but the fights here really sell the power of the characters and the unchecked devastation they can cause.  There's plenty of bits that wouldn't look out of place in an anime, and that is by no means meant as a disparaging comment.  The fight Supes has with Evil Kryptonian Lady and Evil Really Tall Guy is a particular standout, with some great choreography and bone-crunching impact.

If only the film had a better plot to go with it.