Ed's Review: Mass Effect: Andromeda

Mass Effect: Andromeda is a bit of a mess.

The animations are often very bad, particularly when it comes to human (or near-human) faces, but the mess is hardly limited to just them. The game is riddled with bugs both minor and major (on my PS4 copy, for example, every single time I suffered a one-shot kill at the hands of a giant Fiend, I had to manually close and restart the game because the game wouldn't bring me to the reload screen), the UI is a mess, the research point economy is out of whack, and ease-of-life features that should have been obvious, like the ability to reconnect to EA's online services from inside the game rather than exiting to the main menu, are bafflingly absent. It's a game that obviously needed another few months of polishing and fine-tuning, and even with those touch-ups, it wouldn't have likely stood as one of Bioware's all-time best efforts.

Still, I liked it, and I'm looking forward to the sequel.

Andromeda tells the story of a group of explorers from the Milky Way who, between the events of the first two Mass Effect games, somehow built a bunch of huge ark ships, rounded up more than 100,000 people, and blasted off towards the Andromeda galaxy. They arrive more than six hundred years later to find that the worlds they had targeted for colonization have been devastated by some sort of cosmic energy cloud called the Scourge and a hostile alien species known as the Kett. You play one of the two Ryder twins, the son and daughter of Human Pathfinder Clancy Brown and part of the team he leads. Your mission: establish a new home for the Milky Way colonists, make contact with local species, fight back the Kett, and figure out what's going on with the mysterious Remnant technology scattered across the Heleus Cluster.

The story, at least initially, seems to have far lower stakes than that of the first Mass Effect trilogy, in which Commander Shepard discovered that Robot Alien Cthulhus were about to repeat their 50,000-year cycle of wiping out all advanced life in the galaxy for some unfathomable reason. (And when we actually got the reason, at the end of the third game, it was an unfathomably stupid one.) The residents of the various arks and the Nexus--a knockoff of the Milky Way's Citadel intended to act as a hub for the new colonial government--don't know anything about the Reapers and don't know that they may have narrowly dodged a cosmic bullet. They just know that something happened in Andromeda within the last six centuries, and the bright future they were promised is not immediately forthcoming.

It's an interesting setup that allows the game to avoid some of the bafflingly bad writing injected into it over time--and mind you, the ending of ME3 was the culmination of a lot of awful storytelling, we just didn't notice because Garrus was awesome--and lends itself to a more exploration-heavy gameplay experience similar in ways to the original Mass Effect. Unfortunately, this sense of charting new territory is undercut by both ludonarrative dissonance (roll your eyes if you think the term is too hipster, but it applies) between what you're told to be the state of the galaxy and what you observe, and the simpler fact that you're not the first human on any of these planets.

In the game's lore, the Nexus and its crew arrived more than a year you did. Humans, turians, asari, salarians, and krogan have already made contact with the local races, already set up bases and colonies everywhere you're going to go, and already established thriving economies. That's a bit annoying, but much more egregious are the massive gangs of pirates and bandits you will encounter with at least as much regularity as you do the Kett. I tried to keep an estimate of how many Milky Way bad guys my team killed over the course of the game, and lost track after several hundred. Given the limited population pool (120,000 or so colonists, most still in cryo sleep), how exactly is some random goon getting ahold of a bunch of prefabricated housing modules and a gang of dozens of armed and armored soldiers? Moreover, how are dozens of these random goons assembling their own armies?

This isn't a new problem for the series. The folks in charge of designing the game's combat don't want to concern themselves with what makes sense for the world, they just want fun and interesting bad guys for you to fight. And, to be sure, they succeed in that. The combat starts a bit slow, with a limited arsenal of powers and weapons, but opens up greatly as Ryder gains levels. The Profile system, which lets you switch between pre-made sets of three powers and some passive bonuses, at first seemed a bit pointless but gradually becomes invaluable. For mass combat, I'd switch to my hard-hitting Vanguard profile, throwing myself at enemies like a biotically-charged ping pong ball of death and sending foes flying with kinetic explosions; when I needed to hold a specific position for a bit, I'd switch to a more traditional Adept role, knocking bad guys out of cover and setting them up for powerful, explosive combos.

While the fighting is good fun, it's a bit disappointing how little control you have over your companions compared to previous games. While I can understand why Bioware moved to make them more autonomous than before, I miss being able to tell my cohorts when to hit with a specific power or switch from their rifle to their shotgun. The amount of customization available to you when crafting weapons also feels a bit wasted when you can build a massive new plasma cannon but can't hand it off to your krogan buddy.

The buddies are also a step below the companions of prior Bioware games. While none of them are egregiously bad, and most of them grew on me quite a bit with time, there are no obvious standouts like Garrus, or Tali, or Mordin, or--moving to the Dragon Age games--Alistair, Varric, or Dorian. Peebee, the asari archaeologist with serious commitment issues, seems to be the most divisive of the bunch--fans either seem to find her the most interesting and endearing member of the crew, or the most two-dimensional and annoying. (I fall closer to the latter, but eh, she's fine.) Personally, I ended up a fan of Drack, an extremely veteran krogan soldier who puts a slightly paternal spin on the series' usual "gruff, pragmatic warrior guy" stereotype. All of the companions have at least some interesting trait that sets them apart from their archetype, from Liam's reckless idealism to Vetra's big-sisterliness, with the possible exception of Cora, who falls into the thankless Bioware role of being the rules-oriented, boring one.

The character that I think will emerge as the most interesting and important, however, is Jaal, the last member of your crew to join and an important link to the Andromeda galaxy. He's well written and well acted, useful in combat, and has probably the strongest arc to his story. Once you get him, you should probably just take him along on every main story mission. I did, and I imagine a lot of the big revelations would have lost some impact if he hadn't been with me.

And the revelations are interesting and worth reaching, even if the game starts at a glacial, unfocused pace and takes its time hooking you in. The lengthy opening tutorial gives way to a potentially even lengthier tutorial on Eos, depending on your need to pursue sidequests. (My advice: come back later. Eventually, the planet's radiation hazards clear, and it becomes much less of a pain to get around.) The story does gradually pick up, however, and--aside from a few handwavy moments it doesn't give you time to think about--builds to a satisfying climax that sets up some very interesting ideas for the series to pick up on in the future.

Andromeda is very good, even if it's not great. If you're a fan of the original games, it's probably worth a shot--though be warned that it is a massive title that will take dozens of hours to complete. Like the original Mass Effect, it tells an interesting story competently, but lacks substantial polish and is very rough around some of its edges.

Ed's Totally Subjective Score: 7.5/10

And now, some random thoughts.

• I stuck with the default names for the Ryders, and I'm glad I did. There are many times throughout the game where characters will refer to you as "Sara" or "Scott" if you've kept that as their names, and I don't imagine they do that otherwise. It's a small touch, but after three games of just being "Commander" or "Shepard," it's nice to have a first name.
• Having started a New Game + as Scott Ryder, it's really noticeable how much better the male character's animations are than his sister's. Sara's always twisting at weird angles and making strange faces, but Scott seems like he's actually accustomed to being in a human body. Probably a side effect of them sharing animations, and Sara's rig being significantly smaller.
• The animations that play as you move from planet to planet. They are very pretty, yes. They are also interminable. I don't care if they have to skip fixing game-breaking bugs, the very first thing Bioware needs to patch are those awful transitions. How did they get through QA?
• Early on, characters mention that the Quarian ark is still on its way to Andromeda and is also bringing all the other races the devs couldn't be bothered making new models for. With complete seriousness: Bioware, before you end this series, I demand an elcor shipmate.
• The multiplayer is much like Mass Effect 3's, which is good, because ME3's was fantastic. Unfortunately, EA doesn't seem to have made dedicated servers for PS4 users, and almost every session I've tried has been laggy to the point of near unplayability. This is a shame, because one of the first characters I unlocked was a female krogan gladiator, and I gave her bright pink and indigo armor and want to run around headbutting things with her.
• Female Ryder is incredibly sarcastic. I haven't heard enough of her brother's voicework to have much to say about him, but man, Sara is hilariously snarky even when she's being serious. Her VA either did a really great job or a really bad one.
• Brightly colored hair just seems really appropriate for a pair of 20-something twins who decided to jump galaxies.

Weekday Review: White House Down

John McClane and President Barack Obama
in: Die Hard 4.

Hey, did you know that there was a new Die Hard movie?  It's pretty good. It's definitely a throwback to the original in a lot of ways; there's a single location that gets explored throughout the movie to give it a real sense of place, there's a lone badass-but-not-superhuman action hero dealing with a broken marriage and a strained relationship with his kid, and a crew of highly specialized bad guys (and a bunch of grunts) whose actual goal is slowly revealed throughout the movie. There aren't any cars being launched into helicopters, no one ever cruises through a city while hanging onto the wing of an F-16, and the action--while fun and exciting--never really strays all that far from reality (save for our hero's remarkable Constitution score).

I mean, it's not officially a Die Hard movie, but it's the closest we're going to get to a sequel. I mean, it's not like they're still making those.  I wouldn't complain if they did, of course, but they'd probably just turn them into stupid, mindless action flicks with none of the charm or uniqueness that made the original such a classic, and that would be terrible.

No, the movie's actually called White House Down. It stars Channing Tatum as John McClane. Er, John Cale. John's recently returned from Afghanistan after enlisting to flee his failing marriage, and is working as a bodyguard for the Speaker of the House in Washington, D.C. He wants to join the actual Secret Service, mainly because he thinks it might score points with his 11-year-old daughter and future PoliSci major, Emily, who has a few issues with her dad thanks to him running off to the other side of the world for eight years. The two of them are touring the White House when a team of Totally Not Blackwater mercenaries, white supremacist sociopaths, and treacherous, Arab-hating Secret Service agents launch a coup against President Barack Notobama, played by Jaime Foxx.

Yup, it's a Die Hard movie.

The rest of the film is, as I've alluded, Die Hard. John Cale creeps around the White House, up and down elevator shafts and through every window the place has, taking out the bad guys one or two at a time and slowly building up a respectable arsenal. There's a hacker set up in the heart of the complex, with a big ol' timer counting down to the completion of some objective.  The leader of the coup exchanges threats and demands with John's helpful friend on the outside who is constantly shackled by imposing authority figures (Maggie Gyllenhaal). One of the hostages with a personal connection to him (Emily, played by Joey King) eventually has that connection exposed by incautious reporters, and she's used as bait to draw him out. Eventually, our bloody and battered hero manages to whittle down the bad guys' ranks, he takes out the Big Bad in some suitably hilarious and awesome way, and then he's reunited with his family after finally earning their love and respect.

There's copying Die Hard's template, and then there's copying Die Hard. I'm not sure where the line is, but this movie is hovering right over it.

There are differences, of course, mainly in the addition of a secondary heroic lead in the form of Django himself, Jaime Foxx. His character--President Sawyer--is probably the main reason you might have heard of this film.  He is, with absolutely zero subtlety or attempt at concealment, President Barack Obama. Literally casting the President--any President, really, save perhaps for Teddy Roosevelt--as the hero of an action flick is undoubtedly going to draw controversy, but when it's this already extremely controversial President, well, there's a bit of discomfort.

I'm going to need to talk politics just for a bit, in the interest of full disclosure. I've voted for President Obama twice, and I have never regretted it. I do not agree with him on every issue, nor do I think he hasn't made any serious missteps. However, I think many of his detractors severely underestimate the scope of the challenges and opposition he has faced every moment since coming to office--hell, since winning the election. I also think he's a good person; a politician, to be sure, guided by pragmatism and political reality before all else, but a basically decent human being. So, yes, the high concept of "President Obama with a rocket launcher takes on Blackwater, the KKK, and Dick Cheney" is pretty much all I needed to hear to be sold on this movie.

Pictured: the movie this should have been.

That said, President Sawyer's role isn't actually as superheroic as one might have been lead to expect. He's not a fighter; the two scenes of him doing action-y stuff in the trailer are pretty much it. That isn't to say that he's weak or useless; he's smart, reasonably athletic, and keeps a cool head in a crisis. Mostly, he's John Cale's sidekick, but he still has plenty of chances to show his own, quieter brand of courage.

It's also worth noting that one of the Bad Guys is an ex-NSA hacker turned anti-authoritarian anarchist. Given one of the big stories in the news the last few weeks, this is honestly kinda spooky. They even look alike. I don't know if discussing the similarities to Edward Snowden are a very good idea, especially considering that my own views are apparently deeply unpopular, though, so perhaps I should just let this paragraph end.

And, well, that's really all I've got to say. I enjoyed the film quite a bit, even if it wasn't quite the President Django vs. the World movie I was hoping for, and even if it was extremely derivative of Die Hard. I mean, there are far worse films to rip off, and I'm glad to see that someone's trying to bring the series back to life.

God, just imagine if they tried to keep making new ones with Bruce Willis. They'd probably give all the movies really stupid pun titles, too. Thank goodness Hollywood just let that dead horse lie.

Weekend Review: Equestria Girls

"Our movie didn't suck!"

That... was actually kind of good.

I just got back from seeing Equestria Girls--literally, I just walked in and sat down, and am trying to tank some cat aggro while I type. Only one theater here in town was playing it, and with only two showings. It's kind of odd how small of a deal it actually was, theatrically-speaking, considering it's been such a constant source of arguments and discussions among the brony fanbase. The rest of the world was lining up for Monster University or World War Z, while I was packed into a theater with a hundred or so enthusiastic (and somewhat obnoxious) male fans of the show and a small handful of children.

And I've got to tell you, I didn't want to go. I woke up this morning and gave very serious consideration to just turning off my alarm and going back to sleep. I was worried that when I got there, I'd find myself surrounded by bronies who hadn't gotten the memo on that whole "ambassador for the fandom" thing, wearing costumes and having long-winded, high-pitched conversations about some weird aspect of the show's mythology that would leave everyone around them with the impression they were either insane or seriously autistic.

There were those guys--I sat directly in front of them, to my dismay--but for the most part, people seemed sane and rational aside from their willingness to plunk down five bucks to see an animated film about cartoon ponies.

But, you ask, what about the actual movie?

Weekday Review: Man of Steel

The Grand General of Meh.

There's a character in Koei's Dynasty Warriors series called Lu Meng.  His most interesting attribute is always how completely and utterly average he is.  He's a decent fighter; he does decent damage, has decent defenses, and a decent moveset.  His appearance is always aesthetically pleasing, if unremarkable, and his voice acting and writing is always serviceable without being particularly noteworthy.  He is, essentially, the embodiment of "eh, not bad."

(As a note, the actual Lu Meng--the historical, or rather, "historical" version--is actually one of the more interesting and admirable characters in the Three Kingdoms saga.  It's just his video game incarnation that's decidedly slightly-above-average.)

My unofficial brother and I have long used "Lu Meng" as an adjective to describe things that weren't particularly good, but weren't really bad, either.  I've seen a few other attempts to describe that particular brand of mediocrity elsewhere; Young Justice coined the term "whelmed," and there's always the old standby of "well, you know, it was okay, I guess."

Man of Steel was, for me, decidedly Lu Meng.

That isn't to say that it was bad, not by any means.  There's a lot to like here, and some of the complaints about the movie being too grim or too "Nolan-y" are unfounded.  The movie certainly has a serious tone, and there isn't a lot of humor to be found, but it never seemed like a depressing slog of tragedy and violence.  Superman may not crack jokes, but he does act like Superman: he isn't resentful, he doesn't bear those less powerful than him any real ill will, and he goes out of his way to save the lives of those around him... even when they were just shooting at him.

Perhaps the movie's greatest strength is Henry Cavill, who plays the eponymous Man of Steel.  Cavill really has nailed the inherent goodness and nobility that make up Superman's core, the things that make him the moral center of superheroism.  He gets to show a decent range of emotions, all while maintaining an air of calm, confident resolve that what he's doing is the right thing.

The film also has some amazing action scenes.  Just having action scenes in a Superman movie is amazing enough--looking at you, Superman Returns--but the fights here really sell the power of the characters and the unchecked devastation they can cause.  There's plenty of bits that wouldn't look out of place in an anime, and that is by no means meant as a disparaging comment.  The fight Supes has with Evil Kryptonian Lady and Evil Really Tall Guy is a particular standout, with some great choreography and bone-crunching impact.

If only the film had a better plot to go with it.

Weekend Reviews.... ?

No reviews today.  Sorry, folks.  Not only were there no TV shows to watch, but I've yet to be able to see Equestria Girls and I was hesitant to go see Man of Steel after hearing so many conflicting and contradictory reviews.

However, I am planning to go see the Supes movie with a couple of friends tomorrow night, and from what I've heard, I think I'll have a lot to say whether I enjoy it or not.

Also, Equestria Girls releases locally this Saturday.  If I'm able to see it sooner, there will be a review sooner.  If I'm not, I'll put on my Doctor Whooves shirt, head down to the theater, and hope my fellow local bronies aren't too weird and embarrassing.

The bit of word I've heard so far is that, to my intense surprise, EQG's actually kind of good.  Of course, this is the first movie that the fandom's had to form and discuss opinions for.  I'd love to hear from a more experienced movie buff who is also a brony, like Chris Sims or Bob Chipman, but no word from them yet.  Hell, it would be nice to hear opinions from people who went in, like me, expecting it to completely suck.  I could probably find some if I cared to look.  But by the same token, I'd like to avoid having my own review influenced by other peoples' gripes and insights.  So, y'know, c'est la vie.

Check back Wednesday (or maybe late Tuesday night) for some more write-y type stuff!

Oh, and if anyone's wondering about the Let's Plays: my headset has died (sigh), meaning I have to use my speakers.  Speakers + microphones + in-game recording are a terrible combination.  It's like Voltron, except that instead of a kickass giant robot, you get a deafening, ear-piercing screech.

Once I replace 'em, I'll be back in business.  In the meantime, you can just watch the funnier and better-equipped guys from Achievement Hunter play Grand Theft Auto IV's awesome multiplayer.

Weekend Review: Game of Thrones S03E10, "Mhysa."

"I don't always orchestrate the brutal slaughter of my enemies, but
when I do, I have it happen at a state wedding and make sure
somebody else takes the blame."

"The Northerners will never forget."

"Good.  Let them remember what happens when they march on the South."

Tywin Lannister is kind of a dick.

After the Red Wedding last week--and the massive cauldron of anticipation that had been bubbling up inside us book-readin' types for weeks--this episode could've easily been nothing more than an examination of the massacre's fallout.  And while it did cover that ground, it also was surprisingly eventful, setting up a few of the big stories that we'll start seeing in the next season.

But first, let's talk about the Lannisters.

Weekend Reviews!

Trololololo, lololo, lololo...

So.

You know that huge spoiler in Game of Thrones that everyone who's read the books has been annoyingly hinting at for months, maybe even years?

That was it.

If you had it spoiled ahead of time, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I can only imagine how furious you must be. For the rest of you? Trust me. It was just as shocking in the books, and we've all been waiting with desperate anticipation for you to catch up so we could talk about this.

My friend Noah's only started reading the books recently; his wife, Jenn, hasn't yet. When he got to last night's events in A Storm of Swords, he flipped out and threw it against the wall. He couldn't explain to Jenn what had happened, because he didn't dare spoil it for her. Instead, we had a text-based conversation with a whole bunch of capital letters and exclamation points. Because holy shit.

Okay, I've danced around this long enough. Here's the break. If you press on beyond this point, things will be spoiled. If you haven't seen "The Rains of Castamere" yet, and you've managed not to have the ending spoiled, you should stop right the fuck here. Because you absolutely deserve to go in with fresh eyes and get the full impact from what happened.

Ready?

Weekend Reviews!

Well played, Moffat. Well played.

So long, Doctor Who. See you again on Nov. 23rd. You know, if you'd asked me a few weeks ago, I wouldn't have thought I'd be so excited for you to get back. I mean, this season--not just the half-season, but the whole thing--has been kind of disappointing. Especially for a new fan who bulldozed through the excellent runs of Chris Eccleston and David Tennant on Netflix, only to run into the gradually faltering adventures of Matt Smith.

Not that I think Matt's a bad Doctor. The show, under Stephen Moffat, has just gone a different direction than the one Russel T. Davies was taking it, and I preferred the latter's style. (Which seems strange to me, given how frickin' awesome Sherlock is.)

But with the reveal of John Hurt as... well, we don't really know what, yet, I'm suddenly in dire need of a TARDIS of my own so I can find out where they're going with this. Coming up with theories about the direction of a show's overarching plot is always a fun mental exercise--see Lost--and I've already come up with or seen a number of really potentially exciting ones. Is this the Doctor's final regeneration? Is it the original man, before he took the name of the Doctor? Is it a "lost" regeneration, between the incarnations we knew as Eight and Nine, the man who fought and won the Time War?

(Seeing as the latter theory came from a possible leak on the show's writing staff, it's most likely that one.)

Whatever the case, I'm thrilled. John Hurt's a damned good actor, and man, that intensely sorrowful, weary expression along sold me on his character. I want to know his story. I want to know what he did that was so terrible that the other versions of himself have shunned him. And I suspect he'll bring an element of gravitas that the show's been sorely in need of for a long time.

But enough about that; let's get on to the actual reviews.

Weekend Reviews!

Another thing that's going to be happening 'round here is me talking about the shows I watch.  There aren't very many of them, even during the "busy" seasons, though it's really slow right now.  In fact, the only two shows I'm regularly following at the moment are Doctor Who and Game of Thrones.

Where's everything else?  Let's see...

Breaking Bad: Still on hiatus until August 11th, 2013.

The Walking Dead: Currently shooting, due to return in the fall.

Sherlock: Who the hell knows?

Community: I have sadly fallen several weeks behind.  I love this show, to quote a great man, "super huggy much," but I just haven't been able to keep up with this season.  On the bright side, there is definitely going to be another season!  Saved from the brink of oblivion once again, this show.

Big Bang Theory: Pretty much ditto, though I'll be honest, I don't love it nearly as much as Community.

King of the Nerds: Oh, hey, I need to send in my submission...

Young Justice: Canceled, along with Green Lantern, because Cartoon Network hates money, good story telling, me, you, and God Himself.

Avatar: The Legend of Korra: Expected to return before the year's end.

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic: Will probably be back in late fall/early winter.  But the Equestria Girls movie will be out on June 15th!  Because Hasbro responded to the legions of fans who wanted to see their beloved cast of interesting, funny, non-objectified heroines turned into knockoff Bratz dolls and shoved into a generic high school "running for prom queen" movie!

... I may be going into this with some prejudiced opinions.

Adventure Time!: Still has a few episodes left in the season, but I'm not actually caught up with the show.  I was really excited to see it on Netflix, but they've only got the first season of it.  (And of The Venture Brothers.  I am disappoint.)

Archer: Gone until next January, most likely.  Though they're definitely getting a fifth season.

And that's about it.  I don't watch a ton of TV, and most of it that I do, I watch with friends.  Ah well.  At least I've got the Big Two to talk about.

So, without further ado...